Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
