Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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