She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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