I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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