i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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