I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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