Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
