Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
