Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
