My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
These tits shall not be calmed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
