I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
