think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
