soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
