somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
