if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we're making bets on your personal life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
