They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
