what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
