No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
