dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
