I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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