I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
