i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
