Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
