the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
