He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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