Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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