We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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