I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
