How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well you can't waste a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
