I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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