Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just cropdusted the office
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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