If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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