i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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