I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
