Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
