Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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