well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want her autograph on my taint
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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