This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
