did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
