The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
