So drunk its hurt
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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