I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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