Apparently you make a good broom.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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