i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
