I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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