im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
