that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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