I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
