And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
