I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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