Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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